Yesterday, I screwed up royally. I got angry and yelled at one of my children. I was grateful that my husband gently put his hand on my back to diffuse the situation. It's not really important why I blew up, but that I did! I apologized, but still felt so horrible that I let my anger get the better of me...again!
As we were finishing up the evening by doing our Advent candle lighting and reading, I apologized again in front of the family and repented to God as we prayed. I was so upset it was really hard for me to get through the readings. In my mind, I had tainted/ruined Advent! Ugh!
This morning I woke up with the same feelings of guilt tempered by "His mercies are new every morning..." running through my mind. I prayed before doing my devotions that God would truly help me believe that today!
Here's what He reminded me of this morning during my devotion time:
Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room by Nancy Guthrie:
"We find hope in the ancestry of Jesus that no matter what we've done or where we come from, we too can be included in Jesus' family. Jesus does not look for people who are perfect and have never failed or made mistakes to be in his family. Instead, he is drawn toward people who recognize their failures and see their need for Him."
Sally Clarkson's post, "Keeping Advent: Hope for a Dark World and Malcolm Guite"
"Advent is when we give voice to the ache and pain and longing in our hearts. Advent is also when we confess our own participation in the brokenness of the world. Advent, then, is not only about longing for Christ to come again and put everything back together; it’s about repenting and receiving grace so that we get to be put back together now.
But there’s one more piece. Advent is not only about longing for Christ to put the world back together, not only about repenting and letting Christ put us back together; it is also a chance to participate in bringing wholeness to others."
My other readings focused on Jesus coming to save us and I was reminded vividly of my own need for healing and repentance (saving). BUT also, that God has already provided a way for that through Jesus! That's what Advent is all about! Even though I messed up big time, God loves me enough not to leave me wallowing in guilt and shame. He sent His Son, Jesus to SAVE me!
Thank you, Lord!