Confession

I have a confession to make....I listen to country music when I'm alone in the car!

There you go...I said it.  Whew, I feel better!

I grew up listening to country music, bluegrass, southern gospel and folk music.  Now, my tastes are quite different.  Mostly  I listen to praise and worship, contemporary Christian and folk music (if you don't count kids' music as a genre)...oh, and my husband play fingerstyle blues on his guitar.  I'm becoming acquainted with Muddy Waters, Charlie Patton and whoever wrote "There's a Rat in my Kitchen". 

I'm getting off track here.

Anyway, I only listen to country alone for several reasons- the biggest deals with censorship.  I don't want my kids to hear bad language or beer drinking songs or other not-so kid friendly themes that are common in this genre.  (Personally, I usually change the station when those come on).  Not everyone agrees with me, I'm sure, but they're my kids and there ya go!

So why do I listen to it?  It reminds me of home....it reminds me of my brother.  My brother, John knows probably every country song on the radio and most they don't even play anymore.  I hear "Feed Jake"  and it makes me miss him a lot.  Why?  Because he always liked that song and I can hear him singing it in his deep country twang. 

I've lost a lot of my southerness since moving to Tennessee...I know that sounds impossible.  But things are different here.  My accent's not as thick as it once was.  I'm raising kids that have to be taught how to say words like "Montgomery", so they don't sound like a "yankee" when we go home. 

I grew up in the back woods country of Alabama.  If someone was at your house...they were either a friend come calling or a trespasser.  I hate the old saying:  "you can never go home again".  I hate it because in some ways it's true.  I left a long time ago and it's just not the same.  Went to college, got married, graduated, got a job, moved home, moved away again, had kids.  I like my life here, my house in our small town on main street, my homeschool friendly area...but sometimes I just want to get in the car and crank up the country and get sad about not being at home. 

There are some things I don't miss...long hot summers, fireants, red clay staining everything,  racial tension, shelling peas until your fingers turn purple and extreme weather.  I do miss...quiet porch swinging, being in a car just the four of us with the windows rolled down and the radio blaring, southern hospitality, real sweet tea, banana pudding, listening to bluegrass gospel on Sunday morning while getting dressed for church, 3rd Sunday in May with dinner on the ground, visiting the family cemetery, being able to picture with your eyes closed every stretch of road...just snippets.  Snippets that all come back in the car when I'm all alone.


Then, I hear a song like this... I think of my dad, my brother,  my grandpas, and my nanny. 

All the snippets come flooding back mixed with tears and sadness.  Sadness that I can't let overtake me. 

I pull into the driveway, push one of the preset buttons and walk in the door to 3 little smiling faces and I know there must be a country song out there about just this moment. 

Hi, my name is Christy and I listen to country music in the car when I'm alone....