I've been dealing with "the blues", "the blahs", "being down in the dumps", "depressed"... however you want to say it. This week hasn't been a stellar one. Coming off a cold last week...I was irritable with my children, with my husband and probably my dog and cat, too. I felt like I didn't really know what was going on with myself, except that I just didn't feel like being at home, but I certainly didn't feel like going anywhere either. Bouts of snappiness abounded.
I started thinking that although I feel like my days are just trudging along one right after another, some major things have been happening:
Seasonal: no sun for days, let down from Christmas, bare house after all the Christmas decorations are down, being in the house more, not as many play dates and social contact because of holidays and new semester starting.
Stress from upcoming events: science fair competition, Tera's 5th grade writing and TCAP assessment, parole hearing for the guy who killed my brother in March or April.
Hormones: My hormones are a little wacky right now. I don't deal well with caffeine and I'm not supposed to have chocolate but I've been indulging in hot chocolate and small bits of chocolate throughout the Christmas season. I've also been eating more non-chocolate treats and more sugar in general. In return, my weight is stuck at a place I'd rather not be.
Change: someone finally attending our church services, good friends moving soon, new morning routine for me (getting up earlier than the kids and making their breakfast-they did this independently before), new bedtime routine (going to bed around 9 PM), more hands-on work with the kids where they worked independently before, being diagnosed with IC and my exercise routine changing. Change is change- whether good or bad.
Irrational thinking: I've been letting negative self-talk invade my thinking lately (I have no friends, my children have no friends, we stay home all the time, how/why do other people do all these activities with their kids and still stay sane and buy groceries?, my kids are so behind, I'm a failure as a mom/homeschool teacher/wife...well, you get the drift) All of the above thoughts are obviously not true in real life. You start singing: "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I'll go eat worms."
I love it how God reaches out and grabs me when I can't really reach out to Him. I'm wallowing so deep in my little mud puddle that I can't see the beautiful pasture beyond. Tera and I have been doing this Mother Daughter devotional by Dannah Gresh every night of this new year. Guess what last night's topic was...ding ding..."the blues".
It said: "According to today's focus verse (Psalm 121), our help will never come from any other place [than Jesus]. When we're upset, it's not always easy to praise and thank Jesus, is it? It might be easier to eat a ton of food, watch TV, or climb into bed and pull the covers over our heads. But to get real help, we need to turn to Him." Zing! This has been true for me...I look at my circumstances, compare myself to others, put myself down, instead of going to the ONLY one who can HELP ME!
Psalm 121:
I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.
Now, there is no magic involved here...the blues don't just disappear overnight sometimes, but there is ONE that will be with us and help us through to the other side. Turning our attention away from our pitiful state to the praiseworthiness of God...His faithfulness, His goodness, His love, is the best place to start. He's there for everyone!
I can't give you or myself any easy answers about what to do, I just know that all things I've been doing (eating, watching TV, putting myself down etc.) have only led me to where I am. The devotion gave some specific ideas on how to deal with the blues. Express yourself to God through your talents or the interests He's given you. Write, sing, play music, go on a walk, paint a picture, whatever draws you away from yourself and directs your attention to HIM.
Instead of wallowing this week...I'm going to be real with others about what I'm going through, take some walks and soak up some sunshine hopefully, play some praise music, read my Bible more and pray even more.
And....if you think God doesn't understand "the blues", try reading Psalm 88.
