I've had a burning in my chest for a few days now...an anxiousness, an irritability, a depressing grief. 12 years ago we lost my brother, Terry Lee. It's been 12 years since that horrible phone call that rushed us out the door and home for the worst days of my life. Memories flood this time of year. Just like real flood waters they cannot be kept at bay no matter how hard we try to ignore them. Some years it creeps up faster than others, some years it can be kept back longer but inevitably it comes under the doors and up to the windows.
You see 12 years ago tomorrow, my brother whom I love dearly was taken from this life by the hand of another. 10 years ago that very day at 12:45 AM, I gave birth to my first child, a precious girl I named Tera Leigh, after the uncle she would never have the honor of knowing and loving. You see I was induced at 8 AM on Oct. 1st with the promise of a new baby before the day was over, that was not God's plan. Notice the time above...God's timing is indeed perfect. The day of mourning was turned into a day of rejoicing. In the midst of rejoicing, the yearly flood waters recede long enough for celebration of precious God-given life.
We all grieve in our own way---me, I write. Now I don't call myself a "writer", but this is how I process my thoughts and feelings. As I write, I feel the waters that cover my soul quietly slipping away. The crushing feeling that threatens to press me into the earth lightens and comforting peace comes again. The writing becomes almost my prayer. I love this Scripture--
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2
I've been through the deep waters and I can testify to the fact that had it not been for THE ONE holding my hand I would have surely been swept away by the rushing current. Even now, 12 years later I find Him there with arms stretched out ready to carry me through these rivers of difficulty again and again!